The Mission

I've always said that my favorite movie of all-time is The Mission, but I have only seen it a few times. I was introduced to the movie when I was a sophomore in college - one of my English professors got so emotional talking about the film, I had to rent it that next weekend. I wish I could peel back the layers of what I know now so that I could remember what it was like to see it for the first time. My response to it was guttural, I remember that. I put the soundtrack on repeat in my room and grieved. (Years later my friend Sharon would say, as an aside to a conversation about human trafficking, that many times people will cry or will respond emotionally to something, and will think that they have done something about the problem. She had moved, not past emotional responses, but into a life of flesh and blood responses. I flashed back to myself face down on my comforter, bawling my eyes out when she said that.) I can't remember what exactly got to me that first time, the story is complex, but I think I saw that my life resembled the Spanish and the Portuguese more than it resembled the Guarani, or the Jesuits, and that made me feel the long distance to heaven, and the complexities of responsibility in societies.

The second time I watched it was two years later. Troy and I were going to get married, and so he thought he should see my favorite film of all-time (his was It's a Wonderful Life) I left his apartment in tears, struck again by how impossibly small love looks next to violence. That time, the silliness of war (men in wigs fighting with singing children - absurd!) was so clearly stupid, and yet at the same time, still so violent and real, with real consequences. I understood the Old Testament God that night in a way I had not yet.

I have thought about the movie many times since then, and even though I have owned it for many years, we just got around to watching it again tonight. I feel it planted in my heart (that is probably why I am blogging after mid-night). There are so many people in the world asserting power. People groups, political groups, religious groups, neighborhood associations. Everyone has their stuff, and their power-play. In my heart/nature I feel two responses - one is to quit, disengage, stop showering, and despair that the only way to take away a tiny bit of that power is to take my bit of power and walk away. But the other response/desire I feel is to take my bit of power, lay it down and follow Jesus. Truly, His way (love, forgiveness, standing with the broken-hearted) is the only way forward in deadlocks of power, misunderstanding, and anger. You really do have to lose your life to live.

Now that is a good movie. The Mission has given me twenty years of rumination and compelling heart-examination - even when I wasn't watching it!

Happy Birthday John Stott!

Today is John Stott's 90th birthday! A small window into his influence was captured in this 2004 New York Times Op-Ed by David Brooks. If you have never read anything from this man, may I highly recommend Basic Christianity, The Radical Disciple, or Christian Mission in the Modern World. If you have been influenced in any way by this thoughtful voice of faith, please share you thoughts or well-wishes HERE, and learn more about his great passion to support the education of pastors around the world HERE.

Today is release day for Christa Wells' new EP How Emptiness Sings. Christa is genuine, compassionate, and a very gifted writer. I got a copy of this record early, and have been taking it in song by song. I don't listen to her music, I absorb it! Here is a link to listen!

A Great Antidote to the Issues Raised in Previous Blog

Thank you for your comments and for permission to have some belly fat three children later. I would say this is one of my favorite books of all time. I read it about once a year because I think it is such an incredible blue print for real life. It is based on the Psalms of Ascents (120 - 134), and seems to speak to the whole of the human experience.

My Funny Valentine

I just read an article about the new album from Over the Rhine, The Long Surrender, and I can't wait to find a quiet space to listen through. I have been a fan since "Latter Days" from Good Dog Bad Dog showed up on a mix-tape given to me in college (must have been from the independent release somehow - I didn't own the whole album until the second release). I would love to talk more about OTR, but what hit me was all of the pictures of them together. Because they write together, and perform together, they get to both be in the pictures. I don't want to sound whiny, but I'm always subjected to photo shoots by myself because I am a solo artist. But I am not a solo artist. I never have been. It is hard, I think, to understand the role that Troy plays in our work. People often credit him for 'supporting' me, and I'm not sure what is imagined by that, but it is more than, "I believe in you," and a punch in the arm. We are a team, but he is carrying much of the load, most of the time. In our work-life, he makes things work, and in our personal life, he keeps things fun. He pulls me along, balances me out, and loves me well. I love him back. If it were up to me, I would insist that he is on the cover of our next record - just him. With a beard. A really long beard. Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy Birthday Dr. John Perkins

Last year Troy and I had the opportunity to meet Dr. John Perkins. He spoke for one hour, pulling from his experience as a pastor, civil rights leader, near martyr, and inspired follower of Christ. We were given a ten minute break to move from that session to the next thing, but I needed time. I wanted to go to a quiet place and grieve, to face what he had said, to process how I would respond. And I wanted to hear more - here is a near octogenarian who has lived through one of the most turbulent, dark episodes in our history, and he has clarity on life, and on our role as a people called to carry out the love of God. This week is Dr. Perkin's 80th birthday - here is a tribute to him written by John Foreman in the Huffington Post, with a link to their new song called THE SOUND, inspired by Dr. Perkins: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jon-foreman/the-living-blues-john-m-p_b_613733.html All of us grow old, but how many of us turn and turn and turn and turn our anger and our questions and our fears and confrontations with injustice, over to God, bent on redemption! This is what Dr. Perkins has done, and at 80 years old, he has good things to say to us. I'm listening!

Thank you for so many book recommendations!

I am starting a must read pile. I am currently reading A Prayer for Owen Meany by John Irving at the recommendation of a friend, and on deck is Beth Moore's new book So Long Insecurity. I can't wait to hear what she has to say about this life-long nemesis.

What are you doing for Lent?

There is a great award-winning documentary out about the reconciliation process in Rwanda called As We Forgive. The film funds a project called Living Bricks which helps fund houses that are built by genocidiaries for the victims of their crimes. A reconciliation process goes on alongside the building process, and the finished communities house perpetrators and victims alike. The most amazing thing about the film is seeing the physical effects of anger and the actual countenances of forgiveness. Living Bricks is running a campaign during Lent, and I wrote a short story about Rwanda for one of the 40 days of lent. See what they are doing at asweforgivemovie.com